Lost and Found
by Chaotic Insomnia
Summary: Sanosuke's broken heart has left him depressed. Soon, his depression will lead him to suicide. What are his thoughts before crossing over to the after life? And what does the note say?


Disclaimer: WHAAAA! I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. But, I do LIVE WITH THE ONIWANBANSHU! I also live with Megumi_. (Nods head)_. I especially don't own Sanosuke. Mayako is my character though. Whoot! I did this to a song I wrote. It doesn't match exactly, but you get it. Italics are my lyrics and the note.

**Lost and Found**

_Deep inside my soul is drowning into blackness_

_Out of breath, trying to run away from the madness_

_My feelings so deep, locked away from the world_

_They never knew the secrets behind the smile_

I thought it odd. I, of all people, am doing this to myself. I, Sanosuke Sagara, am putting myself through this. I have lost my mind.

That's me there, standing on the dock. See the scrapes and bruises from the ropes tied around my wrists with the weights on the other end. The blood from my small wounds is rolling down my hands and forming puddles on the ground below me. Yes, thick, crimson puddles of blood.

_No more tears at night on my pillow close to me_

_No more fear of the darkness as far as I can see_

It's funny. I thought I would never kill anyone. I guess that excludes me. Here I am, getting ready to commit murder upon myself. The more I think about it the more I wish I didn't have to do it. But, if I don't go through with this I will become a coward, and would begin to loathe myself even more. I do not fear death.

Now, I am in pain from lack of nourishment. I have starved myself to make myself weaker. But, this pain does not compare to the pain I felt previously. A pain that I only experience in trying to live. It was too unbearable. It was eating me up inside, and surely I was pathetic. I couldn't live with it anymore. So, here I am. But now that I think about it. I probably would have died anyways.

_No more loneliness drawing me inside when I want to be free_

_No more...nothing more I can be_

Shit, now my eyesight is going. As my mind begins to shut down there is only one thing on my mind. The reason why I'm doing this to myself. The reason why I've lost the will to live, the origin of my internal pain, all of this because of one girl. And if I could go back I would've never saved her. I would've never met her. Then I wouldn't be suffering so much.

_I'm breaking down; I must get away from this mess_

_I'm falling apart and giving up from all of this stress_

_All this confusion is making me just wanna hurl_

_And the deformities of this once perfect curl_

Her name is Mayako. She's the most beautiful kick-ass woman I know. I could've called her a girl, but she was far more advanced than that, far more intelligent, far stronger. She was even more than a woman. She was superior and she didn't deny it.

She had dark brown, almost black, medium length hair. It was wavy and the silk texture worked well with the crème colored complexion of hers. Her eyes were amber and filled with wisdom and experience. With a full-body, full lips, and strength and fearlessness to go with them, she had it all. It was love at first sight, for me anyways.

_The warmth I once had is washed away_

_But the cold body of mine is here to stay_

When I first met her she was being hassled by a few thugs. She looked like she was handling it, but I lent a helping hand anyways. I needed the after-meal exercise anyways.

After we put those thugs in their place we had a little small talk. We started hanging out more as time went on. She was perfect! It didn't take me long to realize I was in love.

_Release me from my pain, Lord I pray_

_No more...please not today_

Telling her was the hardest thing I've ever done. First, she would ignore and avoid the subject. Eventually, she couldn't run from it anymore. I told her about my feelings for her and forced her to respond. I never expected the next occurrence to happen.

Apparently she was sorry for being in love with someone else. I was fine with that. Then, she started acting strange.

She was avoiding me. Sometimes she didn't know me. Sometimes I was invisible. And sometimes I just didn't exist. How she was treating me was cold, and living became hard. I felt like she hated me, and I couldn't deal with that. And then she disappeared.

_What if I told you_

_That the beauty you held slipped away from you?_

_What if I were to believe_

_That there was more inside of me?_

So, here I am. Blood escaping me while I stand here. I am becoming weaker, considering I haven't eaten either. Everything is becoming dark and blurry. All my senses are becoming dulled. The weights are becoming heavier. Now I know my time is running out.

I pulled out a folded piece of paper out of my pocket. I dropped it on the ground. No matter what though, they must find this note. I lean over and allow myself to fall off the dock. "I'm sorry. Forgive me…" My last words before I hit the water.

_Not today_

_No more_

_Negative energy_

Note:

Outside: _To Mayako_

Inside: _I want you to know how much I loved you. I did this because of you. For me, there is no living without you. I'll see you in the afterlife._

_-Sanosuke Sagara_

-Done-


End file.
